How to fall out of love with the person you work with. How to stop loving a person who does not love you? A life story about how to survive a breakup with a person who no longer loves

Most relationships don't end by mutual agreement. Most often, the feelings of one of the partners cool off, while the feelings of the other are still strong. If you thought that your love would be eternal, but now you are suffering from a breakup, know that you are not alone. Everyone is unhappily in love at least once in their life. Everyone at least once asks himself: how to stop loving a person whom you love very much?

Living with grief from an unexpected breakup is difficult. But it's even harder to let go of past relationships and move on if you still love your ex. Happy memories and undyed feelings make you hope that someday the relationship will resume.

Why do people continue to love their former partners, even if this feeling hurts? Why is losing a relationship so difficult? Many want to let go of the past, but just don't know how to do it.

Dr. Randy Gunther has been a psychologist for forty years. She counseled people who were having relationship problems. One of the most frequent tragedies with which clients addressed her was non-reciprocal feelings.

In 2018, Dr. Gunter wrote an article for Psychology Today in which she summarized her professional experience and that of her patients. Dr. Gunther advises to rethink 5 things, how to stop loving a guy or a girl, survive a breakup and let go of the past.

Don't think your ex was "the one, the one" i

After a long search, do you believe that you have finally found a partner with whom you would like to spend the rest of your life? It seemed that you were perfect for each other, and you began to think that happily ever after with this person is not just a fantasy. Your partner has constantly assured you that he feels the same way.

Now, looking back, you wonder: were you as perfect in your partner's eyes as he was in yours? What did he really think about your relationship? Have you looked at the relationship too optimistically? Is it possible that there were problems that you did not pay attention to, considering them unimportant?

If you put all your strength into the relationship, gave your partner all the love that you were capable of, then you will inevitably be confused and crushed when the partner leaves you unexpectedly.

The partner will disappear, but your feelings for him will remain, which you so diligently nourished and nurtured. To make it easier to deal with them, it is enough to remind yourself of simple things.

People have several partners throughout their lives, and research shows that each partner we meet is more suitable for us than the previous one. Therefore, do not think that you have missed your destiny.

Your life is not a romantic story. Do not let the popular fairy tales about the only eternal love deprive you of your right to happiness. Even if you are in love right now and think that you do not need anyone else, remember: one day you will have other partners, and you will be happy with them. And firmly decide that you want to forget the ex, and not return him!

Don't build your life around relationships 2

Are you the kind of person who gives himself entirely to new relationships? When you fall in love, do you forget about daily activities, social connections, your dreams and career ambitions, focusing entirely on feelings for your partner?

Think about whether the relationship has overshadowed other equally important parts of your life? Have you been less social with family and friends since you got into a relationship? Have your friends told you that you disappear from their radar when you fall in love with each other: you don’t make appointments, don’t write or call? Perhaps you think that in a relationship a person can find everything they need, and interactions with other people are not so important when you have a partner?

How to stop loving a person if for a long time you thought that there is nothing more important than relationships? And if you have also built around a partner all your life, it will be very difficult for you to get rid of attachment after parting.

To make it easier to get over the breakup, try to restore lost social ties. Spend the weekend with friends, visit your parents. Make new friends if you can't make old contacts. Let other people into your life so you don't feel lonely.

When you start your next relationship, try not to lock yourself into it. One partner cannot physically give you as much communication and support as all your friends and family put together. Do not forget that there are many other important people in your life and in the life of your partner.

Keep in touch with them and encourage your partner in this. This will help maintain a stable emotional environment in a relationship and not become dependent on a lover or lover.

Analyze how your partner behaves with you 3

If one of your parents has suddenly appeared in your life, then disappeared without warning, in adulthood you may be unconsciously drawn to partners who behave in a similar way. If you are used to holding on to love for a person who is acting unfairly and irresponsibly towards you, you will most likely not be able to get out of an obsolete relationship when the time comes.

Remember: your loyalty has a price. Don't waste your mental energy on a partner who keeps on leaving you and coming back and fails to define the boundaries of your relationship and give you the confidence and security you deserve.

Do not look for excuses for your partner's behavior, do not try to blame yourself for the fact that he leaves again and again. Think about the fact that your relationship is not in order even in those moments when the partner is next to you. You can be happy together, but that doesn't change the fact that your partner doesn't care about your feelings the rest of the time.

Do not try to convince yourself that you are imagining a problem for yourself and that in fact everything is in order in your relationship. Your partner's departures cause you concern, and this is an adequate response to which you have the right.

If you're trying to let go of a past attachment, but can't stop waiting for your partner to come back, try seeking help from a psychologist. Or use the suggestions from our next article on how to get over your ex!

Remember that breaking up is not your fault or your fault. __8212

After a breakup, you may feel like the pain will never subside and you will never be able to love or trust anyone again. These are natural feelings, and it's normal to experience them for a while after a breakup. But your grief will be devastating and long lasting if you take all the blame for the relationship ending.

Don't Idealize Past Relationships 4

How to stop loving a person when you constantly think about the features of your partner that you liked? Remember the happy moments that you experienced together, and sort out the reasons why you valued this relationship and did not want to break it off.

The relationship ended, but your heart still holds admiration for your partner, shared memories and dreams of the future. Do you remember how happy you were in that relationship; remember that your partner made you feel needed and valued.

When you mourn a broken relationship, you may unconsciously idealize it. Force yourself to remember not only the good times, but also the bad moments between you and your ex. Remind yourself of the negative aspects of the relationship, the words that hurt you and the actions that hurt you.

It may seem petty or unworthy, and it may also be difficult for you to change the direction of your thoughts. But this approach will actually help you get over the breakup more easily.

You will be surprised when you realize how many unpleasant moments you can remember. People are not completely compatible, and between any partners there are misunderstandings, disagreements, quarrels.

It's hard not to idealize a past relationship if you were in love and happy with it. Remind yourself that you broke up with an ordinary person, and not with the love of your life and the only chance for happiness.

Don't try to think of your relationship with your partner as a romantic story with a sad ending. You may have had a special relationship, but remember that they will not be the last in your life: one day you will establish a strong unique connection with someone else, you will be happy and loved.

How to fall out of love with a person you love very much? People often say that time will help to survive non-reciprocity or a breakup. Less often - about the fact that close people who have remained in your life will save you from feelings of loneliness.

But hardly anyone will tell you that you can rethink and change your expectations from a romantic relationship. If you don't think of love as a magical adventure of a lifetime, a breakup won't be as devastating for you. And about how to understand that you have fallen out of love and there is no more attachment, read the article at the link.

If you love someone, but he does not love you, then it may well give up that the end of the world has come! The pain that you feel in this case cannot be called ephemeral. Scientists have proven that the pain of a broken heart activates the same neurons in the brain as ordinary physical pain! And even if you can’t command your feelings and heart, you can cope with rejection and unrequited love and live on!

Steps

Part 1

Realize that the pain you feel is completely normal. Yes, unrequited love hurts, it hurts almost for real, and all because a “broken heart” triggers a parasympathetic reaction. nervous system(it is she who, by the way, controls the heartbeat and muscle tension). The pain of unrequited love is natural, so accept it and help yourself.

Allow yourself to grieve. If your love is not mutual, it hurts. To overcome the pain, you will have to allow yourself to grieve over the hurt and missed opportunity. There is nothing wrong with indulging in your emotions, as long as you don't get stuck in that state. In fact, it’s healthier if you feel sad and don’t suppress your emotions.

• If you can, take a little break from everything that fills your life and give yourself over to sadness. This will help create a healing environment so you can deal with your emotions. For example, when you first realize (or have been told) that this person will never love you back, you need to be alone with your thoughts for a while, even if it's just a 15-minute walk from work.
• But don't wallow in despair. If you haven't left the house in weeks, haven't taken a shower, and walked around in the same tattered sweater that is long overdue for burning, then you've gone beyond all reason. Feeling sad is natural, but not trying to focus on your life again, you will continue to think about that person and experience love pangs.

1. Understand that you cannot control the other person and their feelings. Yes, your reaction in the first moments after receiving a refusal may be thoughts like: “Yes, I will make him / her love me!”, And this is natural - natural, but absolutely meaningless and incorrect. You can only respond and control yourself and your reactions. To convince, force or force someone to reciprocity, alas, will not work.

   • By the way, we can’t always control our own feelings, so it’s worth working on this.

2. Stay away from this person. In part, to create space around yourself to grieve, and then continue to live - perhaps if this person is not in your life. You don't have to completely cut your unrequited love out of your life, but you do need to take a break.

   • You can even talk and say something like, “I know you don't love me the way I would like to. But I really need some free space to get over my feelings.” If it's a good person, you'll get the space you want, even if she/he is a little hurt by the distance between you.
   • If the person you're trying to stop loving is someone you've relied on for a long time and could turn to for emotional support, find another friend to fill that role. Ask a friend if you can count on help when you want to talk to someone you are currently trying to distance yourself from.
   • Remove this person from social networks or at least hide his or her posts, remove the number from mobile contacts to eliminate the temptation to get in touch again. You don't want something to constantly remind you of him/her and what that person does. This will make it harder for you to keep your distance.

3. Express your own feelings to yourself. Give your emotions an outlet, don't keep them in yourself, provoking a breakdown! In this way, you will help yourself get through this painful experience. Yes, losses or disappointments often make us withdraw into ourselves, at least at first. Nevertheless, one should not hope that these feelings will disappear on their own - nor should one belittle oneself for the fact that you feel all this. Express your feelings openly and honestly!

   Realize that it will be better for you. No matter how wonderful a person is, you better not love someone who does not love you. Moreover, love is blind to flaws. When you stop loving a person, most likely you will notice the reasons why the relationship between the two of you would not have taken place anyway.

   Don't blame him/her. Just as you cannot control your crush, this person cannot control their feelings. If you start blaming this person for being just friends or for not being reciprocated, then you will simply put yourself in a bad light. The emphasis on bitterness will also not play into your hands.

   • You can be sad because your love is not mutual, and at the same time not turn it all into a blame game. If your friends start blaming this person for not returning your feelings, thank them for their support, but say, “It's not fair to blame a person for something they have no control over. Let's better focus on how I can overcome this."

4. Get rid of reminders. You may cry at having to do this, but it is an important step in the healing process. All these reminders around will complicate your later life, and you do not need this!

   • As you move from one thing to another, think about the memories you associate with it. Imagine that you are putting a memory into a balloon. When you get rid of the item, imagine that the memory ball is blown away and never comes back.
   • If you have a lot of items in good condition, consider giving them to a thrift store or donating those items to a homeless home. Imagine all the new memories your oversized sweater, teddy bear or CD will bring to its new owner. Let these associations now symbolize the changes you are going through in your life.

Part 2

1. Don't get drunk and don't call this person, don't text. In situations like this, especially in the beginning, people get a desperate feeling to call the person. It's much easier to control yourself when you're sober. Drunken reproaches because you are not loved, or tears because you are in a lot of pain - and now they will definitely never want to deal with you. If there is even the slightest chance that you will do something that you will later regret, take some precautions.

   • Give your phone to a friend (preferably a "sober driver") with strict instructions not to give it to you, no matter what excuses you come up with or how hard you beg.
   • Delete that person's number from your phone. This way you won't be tempted to call or text when you're drunk.

2. Take a break. Although it is impossible not to think about something, it is possible to divert your thoughts to something else until you start falling down the rabbit hole again. Every time a memory pops up, distract yourself with another thought, activity, or project.

   • Call a friend. Pick up an exciting and engaging book. Watch an amazing movie. Build something. Work in the garden. Do math calculations. Find something to keep yourself occupied in order to put this person out of your head for a sufficient time. The more you do not think about him or her and it becomes a habit for you, the easier it will become for you.
   • A handy trick is to give yourself a certain amount of time to think about this person. When you notice unnecessary thoughts starting to creep into your head, tell them, “Not now. I'll deal with you later." For example, to start with, you can devote one hour a day to this. Throughout the day, you will brush aside the thoughts of your unrequited love and immerse yourself in them only during this allotted hour. Once the hour is over, you will return to your normal routine.

3. Know that unrequited love is not painful for you alone. Yes, you were rejected, you are very, very hurt. However, according to scientists, this is a double-edged sword - it hurts the one who rejected you too! Few people like to hurt other people.

   • Remember that it can be very frustrating for someone who has not reciprocated your love because he / she is not able to give you what you need. After all, you yourself understand that if you are not reciprocated, then this is not because you have managed to fall in love with someone who only dreams of hurting you.

4. Make a list of all the good things you have. Rejection can awaken in you a terrible self-criticism, which will convincingly prove that there is nothing to love you for. Don't let this monster wake up! Do not think that there will be no love in your life, since everything happened the way it happened. Scientists believe that those who do not forget that they are worthy of love, cope with a broken heart faster and better get through similar situations in the future!

Part 3

Avoid mental triggers. It's hard to heal from unrequited love if you constantly remind yourself of the person who broke your heart. Don't look for a song that reminds you of that person, or of a wonderful time you had.

Talk to someone. It is better to strip yourself of the emotional and complex aspects of the healing process. If you cling to emotions, it will be harder for you to let them go forever. Find someone you can sincerely tell what you're going through and how you're feeling.

Enlist the support of those around you. Rejections of any kind, especially romantic ones, come with a lot of complexity - you start to feel "isolated." Yes, you may not be able to build relationships with someone, but this does not mean that you cannot strengthen your relationships with other people?!

Don't frustrate your own healing. There are certain things you should stop saying to yourself. Certain thought patterns can derail your healing and make moving forward much harder.

• Tell yourself that you can live without that person, who, moreover, is far from ideal. You may well fall in love with someone else!
• Remind yourself that both people and situations change. How you feel now will not last your entire life, especially if you are actively working to change your state.

1. Treat the situation as an opportunity to get to know yourself better. Yes, no one wants to be left with a broken heart, but even this sad experience can be used to good use - say, to get to know yourself from a new perspective, to grow above your current self. Unrequited love can be the key to personal growth in the future.

   Change your daily routine. According to research, doing something new - like taking a vacation, or at least changing the route you take to work - is one of the best ways to break old habits and replace them with new ones.

   • If you can't afford something big, make small everyday changes. Visit a new part of the city. Spend a Saturday night at a new establishment. Become a member of a new musical group. Learn a new hobby - like cooking or rock climbing.
   • Try to avoid anything too radical, unless you're sure you want to do it. IN difficult period Many people shave their heads or get tattoos in their lives. It is better to wait until you feel a little better, and then decide on these kinds of changes.

2. Find yourself. You've been so caught up in falling in love with someone that you've completely forgotten what it's like to just be yourself. Healing from unrequited love is a great time to determine who is behind these feelings for another person.

   Get out of your comfort zone. New activities and hobbies will help you move beyond your usual routine and you will no longer have associations with the person you are trying to let go. That is, you will be too busy trying new things to go crazy over a person who does not love you.

Part 4

1. Know when you're ready to move on. There is no specific period when one should move forward after unrequited love. Everyone goes through it at their own pace. However, there are certain signs that you are ready to move on and forget about the person who turned out to be uninterested in your love.

   • You start noticing what's going on with other people. Often, when a person is in the mourning stage, they tend to withdraw a little into themselves. When you begin to be interested in what everyone else was doing at that time, you will realize that you are on the right way to healing.
   • Every time the phone rings (especially if the number is not familiar to you), you no longer think that this is your loved one, suddenly realizing the full depth of true love for you.
   • You have ceased to identify yourself with the hero of every song or movie about unrequited love. In fact, you have begun to expand your repertoire to include things other than love or love-pain.
   • You no longer fantasize about the fact that this person will suddenly realize what a mistake he made, and how strong the love between you is, and then fall at your feet.

2. Avoid relapse. Even if you're already ready to move on with your life, it's sometimes possible to re-catch a love fever if you're not careful. It's like removing stitches from a wound too soon. She is healing well, but is not yet ready for intense exercise.

   • Don't spend time with this person and don't let him or her come back into your life unless you're sure it won't bring back feelings for you.
   • If you find yourself starting to revisit the past, try not to worry too much about it. You have already put in enough effort to overcome everything, and your work will not go to waste. Backtracking happens and if you immediately decide to give up, it will be very difficult for you in the long run.

Love is a kind of dependence on a person. It originates at deep psychological, physiological and spiritual levels, the mechanism of which is still not fully understood by man. At this moment, everything connected with the object of love acquires some special meaning. Makes life unforgettable and paints in bright colors.

People don't want to leave. There is a feeling of integrity, clarity, happiness - all that a person may lack for many years of life.

But there may come a moment in which the beloved or beloved ceases to live up to expectations. During such a period, resentment and feelings can accumulate in a person. Love has not yet passed, but there is a strong desire to stop loving.

Emotional discharge

It is extremely difficult for a person to independently analyze his thoughts and actions. A huge charge of energy accumulates in the head, which must be extinguished. The safest technique to help with this is written practice. This technique will help restore the integrity of thoughts and independently analyze the flow of events.

To do this is easy enough. All you need is a notebook, a pen, a little time and patience. In a calm environment, you should write down your feelings on paper. The most capacious, in the smallest details and details. Words on paper should be honest, do not censor your thoughts.

After all emotions are described, it is necessary to respond to them. Conduct an internal dialogue and describe why this or that emotion arises in the mind. There are reasons for everything that happens in our life, and they need to be identified. This process can be lengthy, but it must be done in one day. The volume of writing should not be less than a few pages.

Next, you should put the notebook aside and not return to it for at least a few hours, or even a couple of days. After this period, you should describe in detail the person who is really needed. The way he needs to be. The description should be capacious, you can not miss a single thought that has arisen in your head.

After both descriptions are written, they should be compared, analyzed and appropriate conclusions drawn. You need to understand that no one can change a person. It should be accepted as it is, or not accepted at all. All the negative traits that are present in the object of love will develop over time and annoy even more. The worst thing is that everything described in 9 out of 10 cases will happen in the future.

A few days spent with a notebook will open your eyes to the stupidity of idealized thoughts. It turns out that these problems are not at all important in life, there are many more important things, people, emotions that are worth spending your energy on.

Two or three sittings of working with a notebook will make you fall out of love with a person and return to life to the fullest.

In this article, you will learn how to help yourself stop loving a person who does not love you. Getting over your feelings is not easy! But don't despair!

Loving someone who doesn't love you is one of the most hopeless feelings in the world because you can't control it. And that is why you must begin the healing process.

• it's not your fault that it happened, you could not change anything
• and the only thing left to do is move on.

How to help yourself stop loving someone

STEP 1 OF 3

1. Give yourself time to grieve.

Allow yourself to grieve. When your love is not mutual, it hurts. To overcome this, you will have to allow yourself to grieve over the hurt and missed opportunity. There is nothing wrong with giving in to your grief, as long as you don't get stuck in that state. In fact, it’s healthier if you feel sad and don’t suppress your emotions.

• If you can, take a little break from everything that fills your life and give yourself over to sadness. This will help create a healing environment so you can deal with your grief. For example, when you first realize (or have been told) that this person will never love you back, you need to be alone with your thoughts for a while, even if it's just a 15-minute walk from work.
• But don't wallow in despair. If you haven't left the house in weeks, haven't showered, and are wearing the same tattered sweater that's long overdue for burning, then you've gone overboard. Feeling sad is natural, but if you don't try to focus on your life again, you will continue to think about that person and experience love pangs.

2. Stay away from this person.

• Partly, create space around yourself to grieve, and then continue to live.- perhaps if this person is not in your life. You don't have to completely cut your unrequited love out of your life, but you do need to take a break.
• If the person you're trying to stop loving is someone you've relied on for a long time and could turn to for emotional support, find another friend to fill that role. Ask a friend if you can count on help when you want to talk to someone you are currently trying to distance yourself from.
• Remove this person from social networks or at least hide his or her posts, remove the number from the mobile directoryto eliminate the temptation to get in touch again. You don't want something to constantly remind you of him/her and what that person does. This will make it harder for you to keep your distance.
• You can even talk and say things like: "I know you don't love me the way I would like to. But I really need some space to get over my feelings." If it's a good person, you'll get the space you want, even if she/he is a little hurt by the distance between you.

3. Understand that this will make you feel better.

• No matter how wonderful the person is, you'd better not love someone who doesn't love you. Moreover, love is blind to flaws. When you fall out of love with a person, you may notice reasons why the relationship between the two of you would not have taken place anyway.

• Write a list of this person's shortcomings. There is no need to approach this with anger, but there is always something in every person that annoys others. Maybe this person likes to wear downright disgusting outfits? Being rude to the staff? Loves to tell terribly not funny jokes? If you're having trouble making a list, enlist the support of a devoted friend.
• Also look for those features that would make your relationship difficult if your feelings were mutual. For example: maybe due to extreme social anxiety, this person could never give you the reliability and support that you need in a relationship.

4. Don't blame him/her.

Just as you cannot control your crush, this person cannot control their feelings. If you start blaming this person for being just friends or for not being reciprocated, then you will simply put yourself in a bad light. As a result, your failed passion will feel as if he / she, thank God, has passed the fate of being with you.

• And, most importantly, do not write long speeches about what a worthy couple you are and that this person has bad taste if he does not see you, such a diamond. To be honest, if this is how you react to the situation, then, probably, the person deservedly does not have reciprocal feelings for you.
• You can be sad because your love is not mutual, and at the same time not turn it all into a blame game. If your friends start blaming this person for not returning your feelings, thank them for their support, but say, "It's not fair to blame a person for something they have no control over. Let's focus on how I can get over this."

5. Get rid of memorable gifts.

You may cry at having to do this, but it is an important step in the healing process. All these reminders around will make your later life harder, and you don't need that! Do not set up a ritual fire of memorabilia or send them back to your loved one with a note "And thanks for that."

• As you move from one thing to another, think about the memories you associate with it. Imagine that you are putting a memory into a balloon. When you get rid of the thing, imagine that the memory ball is blown away and never comes back.
• If you have a lot of items in good condition, consider giving them away to a thrift store or donating those items to a homeless home. Imagine all the new memories your oversized sweater, teddy bear or CD will bring to its new owner. Let these associations now symbolize the changes you are going through in your life.

STEP 2 OF 3:

1. Avoid reminders.

It's hard to heal unrequited love if you constantly remind yourself of the other person. Don't look for a song that reminds you of him or the great time you were together.

2. Talk to someone.

It is best to discuss the emotional and difficult aspects of the healing process with a professional. If you cling to these emotions, then it will be even more difficult to do it in the future. Find someone to talk to about your feelings and experiences.

• Make sure that this is a person you trust, or a specialist (psychologist, psychotherapist). This will mean that he will not try to speed up the healing process, especially if it is the end of a long-term relationship.
• You can write down your feelings if you don't feel like or can't talk to the other person. The good thing about keeping a diary is that you can keep track of your healing process, which will give you evidence that getting rid of unrequited love is possible.

3. Avoid getting drunk and calling or texting.

This is a serious mistake, causing incredible embarrassment in the future. Drunk accusations about not liking you, or crying about how you were hurt, is a sure way to convince your partner that he is right in his feelings towards you. Before you get drunk, take every precaution to avoid further embarrassment.

• Give your phone to a friend(preferably a sober driver) with strict instructions not to give it to you no matter what excuses you come up with or how hard you plead.
• Delete that person's number from your phone. This way you won't be tempted to call or text when you're drunk.

4. Take a break.

Although it is impossible not to think about something, it is necessary to distract yourself at the moment when thoughts begin to spiral. Every time they take you prisoner, switch to another activity, activity, or project.

• Call a friend. Open the instructions for needlework. Watch a funny movie. Build something. Work in the garden. Practice math. Find something to take your mind off the person for a long enough time. The more you get used to not thinking about him, the easier it becomes for you.
• Do not try to force yourself not to think about this person, because this will only focus on him even more often. Instead, when you find yourself having those thoughts again, switch your attention to something else.
• A handy trick is to give yourself a certain amount of time to think about your loved one. And when thoughts come into your head, tell yourself, “Not now. I'll get back to you later." For example, you could set aside an hour at the beginning of the day for this. During the day, set aside thoughts about it until later, and allow yourself to think about it at a designated time. When time is up, return to normal life

5. Don't sabotage your own healing.

There are certain words that you must forbid yourself to speak. There are some thought patterns that sabotage the healing process, making it difficult to move forward.

• Stop saying: 1) I can't live without it; 2) I can't stop loving him; 3) I love this person more than any other; 4) I can't love anyone else; 5) There is no one better than this person; 6) He is beautiful.
• Remind yourself that people and situations change. What you are experiencing now will not last for the rest of your life, especially if you are actively working to change your feelings.

6. Change your mode.

Change your daily routine. Doing something new – like taking a vacation, for example, or at least changing the route you take to work – is one of the best ways to break old habits and replace them with new ones, according to research.

• If you can't afford big changes, make small, everyday changes. Visit another part of the city. Go to a new club on Saturday night. Join a new group. Take up a new hobby, like cooking or rock climbing.
• Try to avoid anything too radical, unless you're sure you want to do it. In a difficult period of life, many people shave their heads or get a tattoo. It is better to wait until you feel a little better, and then decide on these kinds of changes.

7. Find yourself.

You've been so caught up in falling in love with someone that you've completely forgotten what it's like to just be yourself. Healing from unrequited love is a great time to determine who is behind these feelings for another person.

• Work on your personal growth, external and internal. Work on being in shape, looking good, which will increase your self-esteem. Designate areas for work on yourself. For example: if you have communication difficulties, you can work on it.
• Develop the things that make you unique. You spent so much time obsessing over this person, and you left important facets of yourself as a person to the mercy of fate. Take care of those things and people that you did not have enough time for while you dealt with your unrequited love.

Step 3 of 3: Moving forward.

1. Feel when you are ready to move on.

There is no set period of time for healing from unrequited love. Everyone moves at different speeds. However, there are some signs that you are ready to move on.

• You begin to notice what is happening to other people. When you're in the mourning stage, you tend to become a little self-absorbed. Feeling an interest in what is happening around you, know that you are on the right track in the healing process.
• Every time the phone rings (especially if the number is not familiar to you), you no longer think that this is your loved one, suddenly realizing the full depth of true love for you.
• You have ceased to identify yourself with the hero of every song or movie about unrequited love. In fact, you have begun to expand your repertoire to include things other than love or love-pain.
• You no longer fantasize about him realizing, loving you, and surrendering to your feet.

2. Avoid relapse.

• If you still have a relapse, don't worry too much! You have already spent a lot of effort to cope with the situation and it will pay off.
• Don't spend time with this person and don't let him or her come back into your life. if you are not sure that this will not become a return of past feelings for you.
• If you really notice that you are starting to revisit the past, try not to worry too much about it. You have already put in enough effort to overcome everything, and your work will not go to waste. Backtracking happens and if you immediately decide to give up, it will be very difficult for you in the long run.

3. Give yourself some fun.

The more you have fun, the easier it will be for you to get through the test of unrequited love. If you sit at home, wallowing in your misery, then you are not distracted in any way and you are not rewiring your brain. Get out and do something.

• Do things that bring you joy but that you can't do too often. Treat yourself to something delicious after you deal with the stress of unrequited love. Save up for that much-desired vacation or buy a new video game that gets you excited.
• Get out of your comfort zone. New activities and hobbies will help you move beyond your usual routine and you will no longer have associations with the person you are trying to let go. That is, you will be too busy trying new things to go crazy over the person who doesn't love you.

4. Return to the game.

Go out, meet new people, meet new people, and remind yourself how wonderful it is to be someone's object of admiration. Your confidence definitely needs a fresh breath - and in the process you will meet new interesting people. In fact, every time someone is better than the person you sighed for - in terms of appearance, sense of humor, intelligence or practicality - mark it. This way you can put things into perspective.

• You don't necessarily have to look for a new relationship. Just enjoy the presence of new people, and this in itself can be a wonderful lure.
• Be very careful about filling your partner's vacant position. While sometimes it's just what the doctor ordered, replacement only works when you're emotionally ready for it. You are honest with yourself that this is a replacement. And you honestly tell this person what his role is. Do not make this new person suffer from unrequited love in the same way that you once suffered.

5. Don't despair!

Do not despair! Getting over your feelings is not easy! Any steps you take in this direction should be welcome. You should also remember that just because this person did not reciprocate, this does not mean that everyone will do so.published .

Galina Azamatova

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we change the world! © econet

Love is one of the most beautiful and brightest feelings that a person can experience. It's good when all the cards come together and love is mutual, but what to do when someone loves, and the other allows himself to be loved? Or even worse - does not pay any attention to his admirer? Suffer? No, please. Suffering has never led to anything good, so we will cut it in the bud. It will be difficult, no doubt. WANT.ua has collected for you the most effective psychological techniques that will help (or at least think less about it).

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HOW TO LOVE A PERSON WHO DOESN'T LOVE YOU

We dare to assume that every person has encountered at least once. Someone quickly realizes that knocking on a locked door is useless and stifles love in oneself, while someone suffers every day and humiliates himself in front of the object of sighing. The first thing you need to do - delete his contacts from the phone and all. This is necessary so that you cannot contact him when you drink too much or get bored a lot.

try meet your friends and girlfriends where there is minimal risk of meeting a loved one. Only at the same time, you should not complain to anyone that you are unhappy and that you have had unrequited love. The less you remember about the guy and tell everyone around, the faster you will forget him.

Think - why did you like it so much? What did you catch? AND try to find the qualities that annoy. Maybe he is constantly late, champs during meals, writes zhi-shi through Y, does not watch his tongue, a misogynist or a narcissist? In any person, if you want, you can find a lot of shortcomings that will block the advantages. And who wants to love one continuous flaw?

Have fun as much as you can! Get off your ass. Go to the movies with friends, to parties, clubs, birthday parties, picnics. Be social and visible. Yes, it’s hard to have fun when cats are scratching at heart and a complete mess in my head from unrequited love, but at least you can distract yourself from negative thoughts. Most importantly, do not abuse alcohol. At first, he liberates and amuses, but with each drunk glass it will be harder and harder on the soul. In addition, at parties there is a chance to meet interesting person, to which you can switch your attention, fall in love and forget about the object of sighing.

HOW TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU LOVE SO MUCH

When the previous points are completed, you can proceed to radically decisive actions. Be sure to get rid of things that somehow remind you of your loved one (maybe he gave you something or you have) and erase all correspondence with him. Otherwise, you will constantly go back and come up with new excuses for yourself so as not to stop loving.

Realize that you don't have to be together. Imagine the most disgusting outcome of events, if suddenly you will be together, get married and have children. Let your beloved person appear in your imagination as a monster and a tyrant who will suppress your will, change, mock, humiliate, keep on a short leash and not give money for food. Would you like to live with such a monster? We think that such a film will immediately sober you up and make you fall out of love with your loved one.

Remember all the insults, troubles and misunderstandings that he caused you. Surely he has sins and he behaved not the most in the best way not only with you, but also with your relatives and friends.

Being in love, you forgave him all the mistakes and humiliations, now it's time to remember them and decorate them with the most impartial statements addressed to him. At the slightest desire to be together again - remember the grievances.

HOW TO LOVE YOUR HUSBAND

If the husband began to actively use your love and go to women, there is only one solution - divorce. To soften the pain of parting, you need to try to stop loving him. Understand that divorce does not mean the end of life, it is just a catalyst for jumping into a new and . Surely, when you were married, you devoted most of your time and attention to your husband. All this cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing unsettled and did not allow me to take care of myself. After the departure of your husband, you have time for yourself, you can cook only those dishes that you want yourself, clean up when you yourself want it, meet friends without asking, come home at any time, do not account for every penny, wear, what you think is necessary. You will finally have freedom.

Remember your husband's faults(when you have lived together, they are easy to remember). He snored at night, scattered dirty socks around the apartment, did not help you around the house, constantly hung out with friends at the bar and played billiards, got angry because of every little thing, earned little, did not give gifts and flowers, did not say compliments ... You can do a lot remember and arouse disgust for him, if you set yourself a goal, and not lament about your sad female lot and thoughts about a completed life.

Put all your husband's things out the door or, as is often shown in films, collect his remaining clothes and throw them off the balcony. Let the neighbors watch his polka-dot family briefs in a tree. That way you let your anger out and have fun. But we do not recommend spoiling his property (car, expensive gadgets), otherwise, you will have to compensate for the damage. But you can safely burn small gifts in the form of souvenirs and soft toys on a “ritual” fire. The jewelry presented to him (if any) can be melted down for something interesting or handed over to a pawnshop, and with the proceeds you can buy new ones.

If, when listening to certain music or watching a movie, you have associations with your husband and evoke sad thoughts, stop “raping” yourself and turn on something else. Stop going to places where you often used to visit for a while and those where there is a high probability of encountering it. Cut off (again for a while) contacts with mutual friends, when the pain of love is minimized and you become happy again, communication can be resumed.

Keep your mind busy with more interesting things than thoughts about your husband. Call a friend or parents, chat on neutral topics. Read, watch an interesting funny movie, do a spring cleaning, plunge into work, get a dog ... Yes do whatever you want to keep obsessive thoughts about your husband out of your head. And forget the phrase “I won’t be able to live without him any longer” - as well as you can and even better than once with him.

Change your habits and get out of your comfort zone. Psychologists say that this The best way fall in love with a man. You can change jobs by choosing not the best location from your home, go hitchhiking (not a safe activity, so it’s better not to risk it alone. Adventures are guaranteed), move to another city or even country, attend an alternative music concert, go on an excursion, go to the exhibition. The possibilities in divorce are endless, no one will suppress you and impose their interests.

IF THE WIFE LOVE THE HUSBAND: WHAT TO DO

Not only women can suffer because of love and try to save a family, men also tend to do this. The main thing is not to panic and understand yourself. Think about it, maybe it’s not worth it and it’s easier to disperse so as not to ruffle each other’s nerves. If you do not agree with this and want to return the love of your wife, you need to act immediately, because feelings are getting colder every day.

Talk to your wife and find out what caused the discord. Maybe you are to blame for the fact that she fell out of love, maybe you constantly controlled her, gave her a reason for jealousy, did not appreciate and humiliate her? Maybe she had a new love or her friends urged her on? In the first case, you have to get out of your skin to return the love of your spouse, in the second, talk to your friends and strongly recommend that they never again turn your wife against you.

To return the love of your wife, try to change your attitude towards her, offer to spend the weekend in the countryside only together, buy tickets to the resort, arrange, give a gift. You can do all the household chores for her. The wife will definitely appreciate such a broad gesture. Of course, you will not return love instantly, but you will take the first step towards it.

Influence your wife with the help of her loved ones. Encourage your mother, close friend, or sister to talk to her about this topic. Perhaps they will convince her not to end the relationship with you and not to rush into the pool of new love with her head, but to return to constancy, comfort and stability.

If you have a child, explain to your wife that a complete family is important to him, which, having broken up, will not lead to anything good (on the other hand, where parents constantly quarrel and beat each other, it greatly undermines the child's psyche). But you should not manipulate a child, just like a wife.

A little separation is also useful for maintaining relationships. Give your wife freedom, let her take a walk and have fun, as she herself wants. You, too, go about your business and reflect on the future life. Separation can both rally and make you understand real feelings, as well as realize that nothing can be glued together. Maybe you won’t miss each other at all, then there’s nothing to converge on.